How to get children to do what you ask

Being the mother of seven year old triplet boys, I've learnt a few things about getting children to cooperate. Before I start, let me be clear that my children are not angels, far from it! When I need them to follow the rules however, they are generally very good.

I don't pride myself on being an exemplary mother, don't have any special discipline styles and I'm not Super Nanny but I do apply a skill I learned in my business days when I managed teams of sales people. I'd never heard the expression used in England but its regularly thrown around here.

Its quite simply "Managing expectations".

Children crave a certain amount of structure in their lives. Knowing what's coming next makes them feel secure and better prepared to practice the appropriate behavior required for any situation. As a parent, or caregiver we have a mental picture of the day ahead but unless we communicate that to our charges, they are running in the dark.

Take today for example. Over breakfast, the boys, my mother and I had a chat about the day to come. We took into consideration tasks that had to be performed (tidying the playroom), walking the dog, the fact that I had to work in my office for several hours (free playtime for them) and fun time this afternoon. We discussed the possibility of rain which would mean indoor activities and a small reward for good behavior (a rare trip to the candy shop in this case).

Including them in the conversation helps them to feel in control of their time and paints an overall picture of the day ahead. Knowing we are doing something fun this afternoon ensures some quiet time for me to work.

This simple method of setting expectations can be used with all ages of children and for all occasions. Next time you go shopping with your child, give it a try. a simple "please don't ask me to buy anything for you because we are only getting items from the shopping list" surprisingly works!

As children get older and they understand how they are expected to behave, it won't be necessary to keep telling them, although a quiet reminder every now and then can go a long way towards a peaceful day!

The best kids parties are the homemade ones!

I spent a large part of today researching locations for my triplet's upcoming 8th birthday, trying to find an original way for them to celebrate their special day. In the past year they have collectively attended fifteen bouncy inflatable parties and I'm not planning to subject parents to another two hour stand-around listening to loud music and screaming children.

I considered hiring ponies for our backyard and inviting some children to ride them but my husband is rather attached to his lawn and didn't like that idea. Then I pondered taking twelve boys to the movies followed by a visit to our favorite ice-cream shop. I pictured myself herding said boys through the popcorn line and caved immediately.

Thinking back to my childhood in England I remembered a very different kind of party. For a start, it would always be at the birthday girl or boy's home. We would start with party games including 'pass the parcel', 'musical chairs' and 'pin the tail on the donkey' followed by the sumptuous birthday tea. Tiny crust-less ham sandwiches, cheese and pineapple squares on a stick, cocktail sausages, chocolate rice crispy cakes and the best part of all - jelly (jello for my American friends) and ice cream!

All this, followed by a loud chorus of 'Happy Birthday' (without the cha-cha-cha) and time to go home with a slice of home made novelty, sometimes unusual birthday cake wrapped in paper and a balloon.

They were so much fun and always slightly different. Much more enjoyable and interesting than today's $275 one hour and forty five minutes affair, so rigid and structured that by the time the children are starting to relax and have fun, its time to go home. A slice of pizza and grocery store cake. So predictable. Dare I say it, boring.

So this year, my children are going to have their birthday party at home. We are having a water party in the backyard (good for the grass), with lots of fun games and activities for the twelve boys. I am making a 'swimming pool' cake in honor of all the hard work they've put into swim team this year and we are NOT having pizza! Still debating with my husband over the pony but either way we are, at home.

Williamsburg Nanny Agency (15)

Five Reasons Why I love running a nanny agency.....

1. Speaking to a client I worked with three years ago and hearing that they still have the same nanny.

2. Meeting so many wonderful families and hanging out with their children (I get paid to do this?).

3. Working with some of the most caring and nurturing people in the World - nannies!

4. The feeling I get when I know I've found the perfect nanny for a family!

5. Knowing I am in control of my own destiny.

How It Feels To Be A Nanny

How It Feels To Be a Nanny (For One of the Best Families in Town)

By Katelin Hill

Their mother is going to kill me, I thought as I scrubbed the black crayon off of the floor in vain, only smearing it further. My first day nannying for three toddlers had been spent thus far getting to know the kids, and the second their mother left me alone to go upstairs to relax, BAM—a Picasso, on a canvas of hardwood floor, with a medium of Crayola crayon. That's when I smelled it. Another child had left a little creation of their own in their diaper. I dropped what I was doing to tend to that.

I was holding toddler number two's feet with one hand and a clean diaper in the other when I realized that toddler number three had found the crayon I had neglected to hide, and was decorating the woven clothes hamper. I had to watch the mural unfold as I finished what I was doing, deciding I would rather have crayon on the walls than what toddler number two had to offer.

Since that day, I learned a lot of important lessons. Mr. Clean Magic Erasers, for example, should always be kept on hand as they are pure concentrated genius encapsulated in a single several-use sponge. I also learned that a good employer will not kill you over a mini-fiasco such as the one on my first day, and a great employer, such as the one I had, will giggle and tell you that was actually a very mild day in their household, and if that was all that had happened on my first day I should consider myself lucky.

Two years later, I still have yet to beat the feeling I get when I walk through their door and am welcomed by 3 pairs of feet, several sizes bigger than that fateful day, come scrambling to the door for hugs and screaming my name. During the last two years I don't think I have ever been able to get the theme song to Peep and the Big Wide World out of my head (and clapped my hands four times in the appropriate places). I've replaced choice grown-up words by exclaiming “oh fudge!” when a toddler runs right over my fingers while wearing their heaviest sneakers. I've been hugged by dripping wet children fresh out of the kiddy pool with no change of clothes on hand and put Band-Aids on bruises because sometimes it's just not worth it to argue with a three year old if a Nemo Band-Aid is all it will take for him to feel better. Although on the one hand the kids have been highly predictable little beings there was never a shortage of surprises. For example, when I ask one of my babies what he wants for dinner, the answer will never not be “grilled cheese.” Yet when I caught another kid I've recently started watching wiping boogers all over construction paper in place of paint, I can't say I was expecting that.

I have a lot of respect for parents. On several occasions I've arrived home after particularly long days and instead of relaxing kept thinking, “oh crud, where did the kids go?” I think this is how most parents probably feel daily. When I put my toddlers on bikes when they were just starting to learn to ride them I thought my heart was going to pound right through my chest. And the first time we took them to Kidsburg? I think my blood pressure steadily rose the whole hour we were there. That is one terrifying place. Ladders are dangerous, ropes are an accident waiting to happen, and if a bigger kid even looks at one of my babies the wrong way then it's time to mosey on over to a quieter area. Many people have told me I'm going to be the mother one day who keeps her kids enclosed in a protective bubble. There's an idea.

Nannying has been a great experience, and one of the most important things is to find the right family. This family and I were a perfect fit. One of the greatest compliments I've ever received was from the toddlers' mom. She walked into the house a few months after I had started working for her and told me she had forgotten her cell phone, but she told me “when I realized you couldn't call me, I thought, it's okay, because if anything happens Katelin can handle it.” She said that she hadn't trusted anyone like that with the kids, other than her own mother. I have to say though; I do probably raid the refrigerator a lot more than her mother.

It seems like forever ago I was making sure peas didn't get shoved up nostrils and that diapers stayed on their bottoms instead of wherever they felt like ripping them off to leave somewhere for me to step on. They have grown out of their diapers and cribs and gone through about 30 pairs of shoes each, each of which fit them for about a week before another growth spurt hit. They ride the school bus. My babies aren't really babies (and I guess technically they're not “mine”) but big kids now, and I look forward to watching them grow up as long as I have the privilege too.

Going for a nanny interview? Be prepared!

Everyone should prepare for an interview but getting ready for a nanny interview is somewhat different. Here are some points to consider before going to your interview.

For a start, you don't really want to be in a suit because you more often than not, children will be present and parents are interested in seeing how you interact. This might mean getting on the floor and playing with them so make sure you wear something smart but comfortable. The most common compliant is that nanny candidates don't do this and in many cases its lost them the job.

Unlike other interviews, you most likely won't be in a business environment but the family home. Some parents may opt to meet you in a public location for the first interview but at some point they will need to show you where they live and more importantly, where you will be working. This will give you an opportunity to see if you feel comfortable in their environment. If you are a neat and tidy person who likes everything in its place, you probably won't be comfortable in a home with lots of clutter for example.

You must ask questions! Parents are not necessarily used to interviewing people and they may not give you all the information you need. There is nothing more disappointing for an interviewer than hearing that a candidate doesn't have any questions. It sends out a message that the job isn't important to them. Putting some time and preparation into your list of questions is essential.

One way to help with this is to imagine yourself already in the job. Left on your own with however many children the job requires, what sort of questions are you going to need answers to? Some examples are:

- What do you expect from a nanny?

- What are the job responsibilities? If the job description mentions 'light housework' ask them to be more specific.

- What is a typical day's schedule for the children?

- How do you sooth them when they are upset?

- What is your discipline philosophy?

- What activities do the children like?

- What do they like to eat?

- How do you prepare them for nap time?

- Do you want the nanny to take the children out of the house on excursion or stay around the home/neighborhood. If so, does the nanny use her own car? Who pays for the gas?

- How long do you think the job will last? Will the children be attending pre-school?

- Will the family be deducting taxes and paying legally?

Make sure the family are willing to provide a work agreement. This agreement will outline all aspects of the job, list responsibilities, pay, house rules etc. If everyone is on the same page from the start a strong working relationship will build and develop.

Finally, as with any job, be sure to write and thank you letter to the family following the interview and make sure you spell the children's names correctly.

Good luck!

Nanny Sharing - a more cost effective way to keep your child at home

If you are considering hiring a nanny but have concerns about the costs involved you might want to consider a 'nanny share' situation when two families agree to hire one nanny to care for both children and by doing so significantly reduce the costs involved with hiring a private nanny.

Generally this works well if each family has one child requiring care and the children are approximately the same age, give or take a year. There are many things to consider before making this decision in order to ensure the arrangement works well. Here is a useful list of talking points:

1. Parenting Style

First, both families must discuss their philosophy on raising children including discipline style, schedules, appropriate activities and generally, how they want the nanny to spend their time with the children.

2. Location

Next, both parties must firmly agree where the child care will take place i.e. at whose home. Families might decide that the children will stay at one location at all times or switch off on a schedule. Also, bear in mind how long it will take to reach each other's houses during rush hour.

3. Safety

Once a location(s) has been agreed both parties need to be sure that the home is childproofed to their standard.

4. Compensation

Obviously you are going to agree on an hourly rate to pay the nanny but you will also need to discuss holiday pay, overtime, vacation, expenses if the nanny is taking the children out of the house and finally what happens is one party decides to leave the arrangement and how this will affect the nanny's pay.

5. Responsibilities

In addition to general child care what other responsibilities are you giving the nanny? e.g. laundry, meal preparation, emptying dishwasher etc. If you agree to use two locations will the nanny be doing the same tasks in each home?

6. Hiring the Nanny

How are you going to find the nanny? Decide if you are going to use a nanny agency or do the search on your own. If you do the search on your own be sure to conduct thorough background checks and drug screens and check that they have excellent references and training in CPR and First Aid. A good agency will do this for you.

7. Communication

Going forward how are you going to communicate with each other and the nanny? You should agree to meet on a regular basis and encourage open communication all round. The best tool to help ensure a smooth long-term relationship between nanny and both families is a work agreement prepared in advance. This document clearly lists every aspect of the job and is signed by all parties prior to work commencing.

Nanny share can be a wonderful option for your child. They really do get the best of both worlds - the care, nurturing and attention that a professional nanny can provide and the social aspect of daycare without all the germs! For more advice contact the Williamsburg Nanny Agency 757-645-3898 or visit our website www.williamsburgnannyagency.com

My thoughts about nanny wages

I recently worked with a family who used the Williamsburg Nanny Agency on a previous occasion. They had been delighted with the nanny who unfortunately had to leave to move to a different state. During our first meeting I explained that the hourly nanny rate they could expect to pay for a professional nanny was a minimum of $12 to $14. Experience has taught me that its better to manage a client's expectations by being upfront and telling the truth.

I could tell they weren't keen on the idea of paying more than $10 per hour but I explained that in the case of hiring a nanny the old adage of 'you get what you pay for' could never be more true. Anyway, to cut a long story short I sent them eight strong candidates with excellent nanny experience and they ended up hiring a nanny they found on their own through a nanny website.

Naturally, I blamed myself for doing a poor job and not finding the right nanny (rare for me) only to find out from the ex-nanny that they hired an inexperienced illegal immigrant and paid her $9/hr which in some ways, was a relief to hear because I realized that despite the fact they were prepared to pay my fee they didn't want to pay the nanny anything above $10.

I truly hope it all works out for them for the children's sake if nothing else but why do we pay so little for childcare? I can understand if parent's are struggling to support a family and money is an issue but in the case of a professional couple, living in an upmarket neighborhood and driving nice cars why do they turn into Scrooge when it comes to their own children?

A good nanny works hard and earns every penny. So why is nanny work so underpaid? I like to see myself as an advocate for helping to increase nanny wages. Last week, two nannies sent me emails telling me their hourly rate had been increased. They were so excited! Just think how much happier they will be around the children they care for and how much more likely they are to stay with the family. We all know that children need consistency in order to thrive and taking care of a nanny can be the best way to provide it.