How to get children to do what you ask

Being the mother of seven year old triplet boys, I've learnt a few things about getting children to cooperate. Before I start, let me be clear that my children are not angels, far from it! When I need them to follow the rules however, they are generally very good.

I don't pride myself on being an exemplary mother, don't have any special discipline styles and I'm not Super Nanny but I do apply a skill I learned in my business days when I managed teams of sales people. I'd never heard the expression used in England but its regularly thrown around here.

Its quite simply "Managing expectations".

Children crave a certain amount of structure in their lives. Knowing what's coming next makes them feel secure and better prepared to practice the appropriate behavior required for any situation. As a parent, or caregiver we have a mental picture of the day ahead but unless we communicate that to our charges, they are running in the dark.

Take today for example. Over breakfast, the boys, my mother and I had a chat about the day to come. We took into consideration tasks that had to be performed (tidying the playroom), walking the dog, the fact that I had to work in my office for several hours (free playtime for them) and fun time this afternoon. We discussed the possibility of rain which would mean indoor activities and a small reward for good behavior (a rare trip to the candy shop in this case).

Including them in the conversation helps them to feel in control of their time and paints an overall picture of the day ahead. Knowing we are doing something fun this afternoon ensures some quiet time for me to work.

This simple method of setting expectations can be used with all ages of children and for all occasions. Next time you go shopping with your child, give it a try. a simple "please don't ask me to buy anything for you because we are only getting items from the shopping list" surprisingly works!

As children get older and they understand how they are expected to behave, it won't be necessary to keep telling them, although a quiet reminder every now and then can go a long way towards a peaceful day!