Multiples SHOULD be treated as a unit.

I have read countless articles written by parenting experts and listened to advice from well-meaning acquaintances on the topic of multiples and how they need to be treated as individuals. The common theme suggests that parents give their twins/triplets or more one on one time regularly to establish their sense of individuality. I beg to differ.

As a mother of 8 year old triplet boys I made a decision to stop feeling guilty about giving them 'one on one' time with Mommy and Daddy. We barely have time alone with each other let alone have spend individual time with each child. That's not to say that we don't ever have one on one time but when we do its probably more of a treat for the parent than for the child. A few hours are okay but longer than that and they start to ask about their siblings.

Even if we did have time, we probably wouldn't on any type of regular basis. Unless you are a parent of multiples its very hard to understand. Siblings born at different times automatically get their alone time with parents but multiples do not know any different. They arrive in the World at almost the same moment and from the first breath have a constant companion (s).

I believe that even as young infants multiples are aware that they are part of a group, a unit that is very special. As they grow older it becomes apparent that they are more comfortable with each other than other children although they are still capable of making friends. This doesn't mean to say they don't squabble frequently!

If you are new parents of multiples I can garuntee you will feel a certain sense of missing out on that one on one time that other parents enjoy with individual siblings but at the same time being a part of the unit you have created is one of the most wonderful feelings in the World. Enjoy every crazy second!

Nanny Sharing - a more cost effective way to keep your child at home

If you are considering hiring a nanny but have concerns about the costs involved you might want to consider a 'nanny share' situation when two families agree to hire one nanny to care for both children and by doing so significantly reduce the costs involved with hiring a private nanny.

Generally this works well if each family has one child requiring care and the children are approximately the same age, give or take a year. There are many things to consider before making this decision in order to ensure the arrangement works well. Here is a useful list of talking points:

1. Parenting Style

First, both families must discuss their philosophy on raising children including discipline style, schedules, appropriate activities and generally, how they want the nanny to spend their time with the children.

2. Location

Next, both parties must firmly agree where the child care will take place i.e. at whose home. Families might decide that the children will stay at one location at all times or switch off on a schedule. Also, bear in mind how long it will take to reach each other's houses during rush hour.

3. Safety

Once a location(s) has been agreed both parties need to be sure that the home is childproofed to their standard.

4. Compensation

Obviously you are going to agree on an hourly rate to pay the nanny but you will also need to discuss holiday pay, overtime, vacation, expenses if the nanny is taking the children out of the house and finally what happens is one party decides to leave the arrangement and how this will affect the nanny's pay.

5. Responsibilities

In addition to general child care what other responsibilities are you giving the nanny? e.g. laundry, meal preparation, emptying dishwasher etc. If you agree to use two locations will the nanny be doing the same tasks in each home?

6. Hiring the Nanny

How are you going to find the nanny? Decide if you are going to use a nanny agency or do the search on your own. If you do the search on your own be sure to conduct thorough background checks and drug screens and check that they have excellent references and training in CPR and First Aid. A good agency will do this for you.

7. Communication

Going forward how are you going to communicate with each other and the nanny? You should agree to meet on a regular basis and encourage open communication all round. The best tool to help ensure a smooth long-term relationship between nanny and both families is a work agreement prepared in advance. This document clearly lists every aspect of the job and is signed by all parties prior to work commencing.

Nanny share can be a wonderful option for your child. They really do get the best of both worlds - the care, nurturing and attention that a professional nanny can provide and the social aspect of daycare without all the germs! For more advice contact the Williamsburg Nanny Agency 757-645-3898 or visit our website www.williamsburgnannyagency.com

After school

When I found out I was pregnant with triplets (boys no less) I spent many a happy hour imagining my idyllic future with them. I always had this particularly vision of the three of them getting off the school bus, running into my arms, delighted to be home. Then we would all sit down around a table, have a (healthy and nutritious) snack and play a lovely game of Candyland.

Hmmmm.... not quite.

In reality, my children are exhausted when they get off the bus and I even got that part wrong because I drive them to and from school now. They don't like the bus anymore and they are only in Kindergarten! The healthy snack has been replaced with dinner because by the time we get home its 4:20 and they are hungry, irritable and just want to plop in front of the TV and watch cartoons.

I've come to the sad conclusion that school is a whole new business for our youngest generation. A very serious business. By the end of Kindergarten our children are now expected to be able to read and write and sit quietly. All day. And, they better be sure to leave gaps between their words, write in a straight line and know how to spell at least 30 words.

In my opinion, children need more of a balance between academic work and play time. After all, we know that children who are allowed to express themselves through imaginative play do better in the long run and boys especially need plenty of exercise, preferably outdoors if they are going to learn anything (I call it brain therapy).

So anyway, back to the topic of after school, my advice is to allow your children some downtime when they get home. Let them choose what they want to do and if that means watching TV for forty minutes then so be it. Encourage them to play outside or take them to a local park but try not to over schedule them with after-school activities. They are on task all day long so give them what they really need when they get home...their freedom (and it doesn't cost a penny!).