Does your child have tech rage?

The official definition of 'tech rage' according to the urban slang dictionary is "an overwhelming emotion caused by frustration with one or more technological devices, (e.g., computers, wireless phones)". Can I add some more examples to that list including computer games, the Wii and DSi's?

My husband and I recently fell into the trap that many parents fall into of buying our children DSi's for their birthday. We have eight year old triplet boys and this meant buying three of them. In our ignorance we felt sure that having their own handheld devices would stop all the quarrelling we've experienced with the Wii. Wrong! Now, instead of quarrelling with each other they have moments of anger and frustration that are out of character for our children who, although very lively are generally even tempered.

I need to point out that we see this particular behaviour with the type of  games that require a lot of  concentration and focus such as Mario or any game that rewards the player with points or prizes. When they win, they have a feeling of joy, albeit temporary. When they loose, their frustration is visible and their whole mood changes for the worse. Its difficult to communicate with them because they are completely immersed 'in the game'. If you've ever seen an addicted gambler at a casino, you will know what I mean.

 The good news is that its not all bad. There are times when a DSi is an invaluable tool for keeping your children occupied, car rides being the best example. However, as a parent you need to be selective about the games they play. There is a program on the DSi called Footnotes - it allows the player to create cartoon-like movies adding pictures, artwork and sounds. I've noticed that my children are a lot calmer and more communicative when they are playing this. The DSi also has a camera and program that allows you to change the pictures, add sounds and funny faces. Again, they children are engaged in a positive way and not consumed.

The best approach is to limit the amount of time they spend on these devices and encourage them to balance their free time playing with other, non tech type toys. If you really want happy balanced children get them outside as much as possible in the fresh air. I'll take muddy jeans over moody kids any day!

The best kids parties are the homemade ones!

I spent a large part of today researching locations for my triplet's upcoming 8th birthday, trying to find an original way for them to celebrate their special day. In the past year they have collectively attended fifteen bouncy inflatable parties and I'm not planning to subject parents to another two hour stand-around listening to loud music and screaming children.

I considered hiring ponies for our backyard and inviting some children to ride them but my husband is rather attached to his lawn and didn't like that idea. Then I pondered taking twelve boys to the movies followed by a visit to our favorite ice-cream shop. I pictured myself herding said boys through the popcorn line and caved immediately.

Thinking back to my childhood in England I remembered a very different kind of party. For a start, it would always be at the birthday girl or boy's home. We would start with party games including 'pass the parcel', 'musical chairs' and 'pin the tail on the donkey' followed by the sumptuous birthday tea. Tiny crust-less ham sandwiches, cheese and pineapple squares on a stick, cocktail sausages, chocolate rice crispy cakes and the best part of all - jelly (jello for my American friends) and ice cream!

All this, followed by a loud chorus of 'Happy Birthday' (without the cha-cha-cha) and time to go home with a slice of home made novelty, sometimes unusual birthday cake wrapped in paper and a balloon.

They were so much fun and always slightly different. Much more enjoyable and interesting than today's $275 one hour and forty five minutes affair, so rigid and structured that by the time the children are starting to relax and have fun, its time to go home. A slice of pizza and grocery store cake. So predictable. Dare I say it, boring.

So this year, my children are going to have their birthday party at home. We are having a water party in the backyard (good for the grass), with lots of fun games and activities for the twelve boys. I am making a 'swimming pool' cake in honor of all the hard work they've put into swim team this year and we are NOT having pizza! Still debating with my husband over the pony but either way we are, at home.

After school

When I found out I was pregnant with triplets (boys no less) I spent many a happy hour imagining my idyllic future with them. I always had this particularly vision of the three of them getting off the school bus, running into my arms, delighted to be home. Then we would all sit down around a table, have a (healthy and nutritious) snack and play a lovely game of Candyland.

Hmmmm.... not quite.

In reality, my children are exhausted when they get off the bus and I even got that part wrong because I drive them to and from school now. They don't like the bus anymore and they are only in Kindergarten! The healthy snack has been replaced with dinner because by the time we get home its 4:20 and they are hungry, irritable and just want to plop in front of the TV and watch cartoons.

I've come to the sad conclusion that school is a whole new business for our youngest generation. A very serious business. By the end of Kindergarten our children are now expected to be able to read and write and sit quietly. All day. And, they better be sure to leave gaps between their words, write in a straight line and know how to spell at least 30 words.

In my opinion, children need more of a balance between academic work and play time. After all, we know that children who are allowed to express themselves through imaginative play do better in the long run and boys especially need plenty of exercise, preferably outdoors if they are going to learn anything (I call it brain therapy).

So anyway, back to the topic of after school, my advice is to allow your children some downtime when they get home. Let them choose what they want to do and if that means watching TV for forty minutes then so be it. Encourage them to play outside or take them to a local park but try not to over schedule them with after-school activities. They are on task all day long so give them what they really need when they get home...their freedom (and it doesn't cost a penny!).