The challenges of a nanny/parent relationship.

I recently calculated how many nannies we had before starting the agency and I'm ashamed to admit that it was more than ten. I think five of them were during the first year alone! Gradually as we became more experienced with the hiring process our nannies started to stay longer. In reality, we lowered our expectations and increased the hourly rate from $10 to $12.

You see, we had this image in our minds of 'Nanny'. You know....the nanny who magically cares for the children perfectly while at the same time doing the laundry, preparing their organic steamed vegetables and feeding the cat (very ashamed to admit the last one) all for $10 an hour.

The relationship between a nanny and the parents of the children she cares for can be a challenge. Oh, not to begin with of course. Its normally perfect for the first few months and then the troubles arise. In a way, it can be compared to a marriage. We start with the honeymoon period when everyone loves everyone; the nanny always arriving early and doing more work than expected and the parents going out of their way to make sure the nanny is happy and enjoying her work.

Then we follow up with the cooling off period, normally a few months down the line when everyone settles into a routine. Nanny arrives on time....most days, and the parents begin asking the nanny to take on extra chores "would you mind taking the dog to the vet today?" or "could you get dinner started because we'll be back late (again) tonight".

Finally the relationship can go one of two ways. Either, the nanny leaves or gets fired or both parties are able to communicate, share their woes and come to some arrangement to ensure that everyone is happy. Ultimately, the later option normally leads to the most successful long-term nanny placements because both the nanny and parents come to the realization that no relationship is perfect and there are bound to be differences of opinion along the way.

Open communication and managing expectations are the key components of hiring a good nanny. Before a job offer is made, everyone must be completely clear on all aspects of the job including responsibilities, pay, time off, house rules etc. For example, if parents don't want their children watching television during the day this should be clearly stated. Also, in terms of pay parents need to be sure they are offering the going rate and nannies must learn to be assertive and ask for what they need. A family/nanny work agreement is always a good idea.

At the agency, we take many steps to ensure that the family/nanny match is as close to perfect as possible. But even the best nannies and families can have differences. The best approach is to address a problem as soon as it arises and schedule a time to talk when everyone is calm, preferably without the children around. State your case and avoid making it personal and always, ALWAYS suggest a couple of solutions to overcome the problem.